Does anyone know how to make mom friends that aren’t trying to sell you something, judge you, or fix your parenting? I don’t.
I made a mom friend the other day. Well, ok. I might have made a mom friend. We bonded at the playground and awkwardly exchanged Facebook info. It’s not often that you randomly meet a mom and really feel like you have things in common. She’s either going to be my new BFF or I’ll never speak to her again. Either way, I’ll probably “like” her daughter’s wedding photos in 20 years because Facebook.
Why is it so freaking hard to make mom friends? It’s a lot like dating, except instead of fun things like fancy dinners and sexual tension there’s just a lot of confusion and awkwardness. Maybe it’s just me and I’m doing it all wrong. So far in my several years as a mother, I have yet to figure out the proper way to turn a stranger into a friend without totally embarrassing myself in the process.
It’s not like I don’t have friends, I do. I have quite a few wonderful friends who have probably all suffered through my “foot in mouth” syndrome at some point in our friendships. BLESS THEM.
True story, one time I made a friend because I had too many glasses of wine, looked her dead in the eye and declared “we are going to be friends!” It worked out, but I didn’t bring my A game.
My clumsy efforts at enticing friendship generally evolve in the following manner…
Initial Contact
We smile shyly at one another over across the baby swings. Make furtive glances over packages of now smashed goldfish crackers. Maybe she offers up a quick smile as our kids run off together.
The Come On
We’ve acknowledged each other, she seems receptive. If I’m not sure yet, I try a gentle start: “I love your shoes/stroller/diaper bag”. Is this turning into something more? Will she be my new bestie for lyfe? Now it’s time for my classic opening line – “How old is your child?”
If another mom asks you “how is old is your kid?” That’s basically an invitation to dinner. She’s desperate for adult conversation. DON’T LET THIS WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY PASS.
The Talk
Now is my moment to either really screw this up or potentially get that number yo! That first conversation is so complicated because we are both trying to suss out if the other is cool or not. Are you on my parenting wavelength? Do we share similar values? Do you seem like a stage 5 clinger?
Do I seem like a stage 5 clinger?
Before we go any further I’m trying to figure out if she is a total weirdo whose children eat only kale and dandelion stems. We all know it’s wrong to judge each other but I’m not exchanging info with a mom who is going to spend the next 12 years of my life trying to save me or sell me body wraps.
True story: Once I went on a “play date” only to discover it was a sales pitch. I am gullible.
The Exchange
Alright! This lady seems kind of normal and not likely to decide I need both Jesus and a starter pack of essential oils! Let’s exchange info!
“So. Umm. Our kids seem to be getting along. Should we uh, you know…”
“Oh! Yes! Are you on Facebook?”
“Yeah! But umm… What was your name again?”
“Great, We’ll get the kids together for a playdate!”
Once that little bit is out of the way congrats! I’ve made a mom friend! JUST KIDDING. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS WEIRD.
Setting up the Play Date
When do I make contact? Do I invite her over? Is that too forward? Ok, pick a neutral location. How soon do we set something up? I don’t want to be pushy but I don’t want to let the momentum die! These questions keep me awake at night!
I once met a woman and her kids at the library, we hit it off and are now friends on Facebook. I invited her to join me and the girls at the park one day, but something came up and she had to cancel. Not a big deal itself, but now I don’t know who is responsible for the next step! Like. What if she was nicely blowing me off and I should take a hint? What if it had nothing to do with me and she feels like a complete jerk and is too embarrassed to get in touch again? What if she never gave it another thought?
QUESTIONS OF ETERNAL SIGNIFICANCE HERE PEOPLE.
The Play Date
Occasionally we clear those hurdles and make it to a playdate. Praise be! If the playdate doesn’t turn out to be a sales pitch or suddenly turn into a babysitting gig, I may have a new friend.
Oh, and I suppose the kids need to get along too.
The Awkward Drop or BFF
OK SO. Our kids get along, we get along. We’re friends! We’ve had more than one successful social interaction!
BUT sometimes it ends… oddly. If you’re lucky you’ll be able to pinpoint the cause. If you’re unlucky you’ll get the awkward drop for seemingly no reason at all. Maybe it was me, maybe they are just super busy, maybe they are straight crazy pants. You’ll never know.
True story: I Facebook friended a mom from my daughters preschool when she suggested a play date for our girls. Months later that friend request is still hanging awkwardly between us. She has neither confirmed or denied me. We see each other every single pickup. We chat. She says “we should have a play date!”. But still. That awkward request hangs there. What is even happening?!?!?
Every now and then this all works out and before you know it you have a true friend, someone who has seen your worst parenting moments and responded with “me too girl, me too”. These women are national treasures and you should never let them go. But don’t be a stage 5 clinger… it’s a fine line.
Good luck out there ladies. May the odds be ever in your favor.
Girl, yes! I would totally playdate it up with you! And, yes–a million times YES–it does feel like reentering the dating game, but in a much weirder way…
https://gainesville.citymomsblog.com/mom/mom-friend-dating-easier/
OMG your article is PERFECTION! I am retweeting & pinning that for sure!
OMG, this is so true! I’m awful at making friends. I have definitely gone on a play date that turned into a sales pitch. I hate that!
Maybe I should have screening questions before we go!
I’m no a mom but enjoyed your post and feel your pain. Let’s face it social interaction isn’t always easy or straight forward. When you’re young, making friends is so easy. Then adulthood rears its ugly head. Most of my best friends throughout my life I met at work.
Yep adulthood is not as easy as I thought it would be when I was a teenager!
Haha. I could have written this myself!! This is why I don’t have very many mom friends… it is SO awkward. When it comes to the “sales pitch” play date, I run into the opposite feelings. I’m so afraid that they are going to find me on Facebook and be like, “This girl uses those oil things. Nope, not for me.” And I am over here like, “Seriously, momma, I just need a mom friend.” Loved finding this on the Thoughtful Thursday Link Up!
Haha I never really thought about it from the other side! I’m not against oils at all (have a giant stash myself lol) but I just have really bad luck finding normal women to hang with!
This is so funny, yet so true! I’m never good at making new friends (acquaintances maybe) to begin with, and have felt the awkwardness you described for sure with other moms. Though luckily never accidentally went to a ‘sales pitch’ play date. I did find it getting a little easier (for me anyway) when my kids started elementary school and started doing different activities or got invited to birthday parties, etc. It’s easier to strike up a conversation in those settings since you already have a common ground. 🙂
My oldest starts kindergarten in the fall, but I’m pretty sure that’s just a new opportunity for me to be awkward lol!
LOL!! >”<
this post made me chuckle, it’s so true. I really don’t know why making mom friends is so difficult for me, I can definitely relate to your thoughts. Maybe I need to carry a box of cookies around with me and will swap in exchange for contact details from new perspective mom friends #fabfridaypost
Oh my gosh if a mom approached me with cookies it would be a friends for life situation for sure. That would be speaking my language!
Oh man, this is SO ME! I’ve described making mom friends as dating for forever now! It’s so terribly awkward, and I wish there were a way to make it not awkward since obviously the other mom feels awkward too. Ah well…such is life I guess haha
Omg! So much truth in this post! I have one friend who hasn’t hit me up much since I’ve gotten pregnant with my third baby for no apparent reason. I’ve invited her to our place twice and she was always busy that day, so now it’s just awkward. lol
On the other hand, I have another mom friend who I am pretty sure is my new BFF as we have had several successful playdates and she even offered to tie my shoes for me at one the other day because I am SUPER pregnant now. That’s love. lol #fabfridaypost
Oh yes, it is soooo uncomfortable when you are politely declined a couple times! You have no idea if they really are busy or…
This is so true! I’m still trying to make mom friends and will be moving soon to a town I know nobody. Making mom friends will be so important!
Good luck, that’s tough!
Hillariously correct!!! Somewhere find myself odd to make a mommy friend (my daughters’ best friends moms), its really ackward but if you find a good one that will be best as such you can share some bad parenting with them😂😂 Allright!! Want to give a hug as such me too feel the thing u expressed.😇
I seriously love this! You had me cracking up because I literally just went through this! I actually made a Facebook post on a mommy page I follow (awkward) asking for Mom friends for me and baby friends for my son! It was actually successful, but I haven’t set up the play date yet so we will see! Haha!
That’s an awesome and bold move!
Oh it’s so hard isn’t it! I feel that awkwardness sometimes and wish I could escape the conversation especially at toddler groups. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x
The toddler groups are so hard! But we do it for our kids I suppose!
Making mom friends IS hard. My little one wants playdates, and I’m all awkward and weird about talking to other parents.
Yep! Sometimes I don’t even want to do the playdate because of the awkward small talk
This is so true! OMG You nailed it! #fabfridaypost xoxo
Thanks for stopping by!
Thought it was just me! Lol making mom friends is definitely harder than I thought it would be.
Yes! I thought it wouldn’t be so weird!
This is weird isn’t it. I like making friends and then you get along just find. But it turns into a sale pitch – it just got a bit weird. But I’m trying to think positive here. Perhaps, they just want want to help you and suggest something that can help you to make your life easy? I wouldn’t take it to heart. Just say “no”. Then move on – but we can still be friends. If not then, it wasn’t meant to be. How needs a friend who is just after your money. No one of-course.
Thank you very much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost
Sorry – that meant to say… Who needs a friend who is just after your money anyway. No one of-course. x
I’m tough to know how to handle that!
Ohmygosh! I totally know what you’re talking about! It’s so hard to find someone who you gel with and your kids gel, and then if you want to have a whole family of friends, your husbands have to come in the mix, too! We moved to a small island about 7 months ago and are still looking for that really great couple, with kids that our kids get along with! Everyone already has their group of friends or they have family here and don’t make time for friends. I seriously feel like the new kid in school all over again! And I totally know what you mean about the Stage 5 clinger, ick! I know that I could be working harder to initiate the contact, though. So, thanks for the reminder and inspiration to keep trying!
I can’t even imagine how hard it would be to break into established groups and find your place there!
Sorry, I kind of spilled my guts there. We are finding our way in, but t has been more difficult 😕
Don’t apologize at all! I’m just happy when something I write resonates with someone out there. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who feels this way sometimes!
If we were in the same area, I’d totally be your friend! 😁